I felt ashamed and embarrassed but there was nothing I could do.

Both of my parents were heavy smokers; most of the adults I knew smoked. I never noticed the smell because it permeated everything and only when I was in high-school did one of my friends mention how horrible I smelled; I felt ashamed and embarrassed but there was nothing I could do. I remember another time when I felt shame at my parents smoking; I was nine years old and my mother took my little sister and me grocery shopping at Safeway. I loved going to Safeway, they had a cool toy section that included metal horses; I was into horses at the time and collected them when I could but this day there wouldn't be any collecting. My family received food-stamps and welfare checks because we were poor and my parents were disabled; my mother because of her MS and my father because a refrigerator had fallen on his back and messed it up for good. This stipend from the government is what paid for everything, including my parents cigarettes; at this time one could buy smokes with food-stamps. My sister and I followed my mother around the store and helped pick out yummy food for dinner which included TV dinners and Twinkies. There were some healthy items but not many; my father was the one who purchased the real food, fruits, vegetables and meat. Once in line my mother requested a couple of boxes of cigarettes then proceeded to check out. When everything was rung up my mother realized we did not have enough food-stamps and money to cover all she had bought and had to decide what to put back; she did not put back the cigarettes, she put back food, a lot of food. I felt sad and wanted to cry because everyone was looking at us and shaking their heads in judgement. That night my parents had a very big argument about the cigarettes and the fact that my mother kept them and not the food. I covered my head to drown out their voices and vowed never ever to smoke. That was the last time my mother ever went shopping.