She took us away from the green house, from our pets, from our dad, and from a stable home for many many years to come.

I think I had an OK childhood up until my mother ran away to Sacramento to live with her mother (the first of many times she ran off); she took us away from the green house, from our pets, from our dad, and from a stable home for many many years to come. I am angry about this and wish I had talked to her regarding this issue and many others when she was alive; I now only have this blog to vent out my frustrations and the fears and the hurt I faced as a child. I digress; my mother had MS and when she started to experience the early onset symptoms ( blurred vision, loss of balance, unexplained weight loss) in her early thirties she went to doctor after doctor and was told the same thing over and over again; she was crazy, it was all in her head. I know this made her angry and she often spoke of how hurt she was that no one believed her and I believe this is when she began to shut down and stopped being a mother; her only concern was herself and my little sister and I received no more nurturing from her. I remember my mother loading us into the station wagon while making the announcement that we were going to live with Grandma and what fun it would be; she neglected to say that our dad would not be joining us. As the wagon pulled out of our driveway my father was pulling up; my sister and I waved to him out the car window as he stood there with a confused look on his face. We asked "Why isn't daddy coming with us mommy?" only to be told to be quiet and do not ask questions. This was the beginning of the summer of fear and uncertainty: I wanted my daddy.